为什么有些人那么坏?为什么他们如此的不可靠、狡诈、卑鄙、两面三刀又或是虚伪懦弱？但即使他们曾让我们受伤难过，即使他们的行为与我们的期望背道而驰，通过爱的眼睛去看待其他人，我们会发现，世上没有绝对的坏人，只有痛苦焦虑和苦难，没有一个人只有优点，也没有人只有缺点。
One of the great intellectual puzzles that daily life forces all of us to consider on a slightly too regular basis is: 'Why are other people so awful? How come they are so unreliable, aggressive, deceitful, mean, two-faced or cowardly?' As we search for answers, we tend quite naturally to fall back on a standard, compact and tempting explanation: because they are terrible people. They are appalling, crooked, deformed or 'bad,' and that's simply how some types are. The conclusion may be grim, but it also feels very true and fundamentally unbudgeable.
日常生活中，我们所有人都会频繁地思考一个费解的问题：“为什么有些人那么讨厌？为什么他们如此不可靠、好斗、狡诈、卑鄙、两面派，又或是懦弱？”当我们试图寻找答案时，我们很自然地倾向于寻求一个标准的、简洁的、诱惑人的解释：因为他们本身就是坏人。他们是让人反感、邪恶、扭曲，或是“坏得很”，他们本性如此。结论可能很残酷，但也让人感觉非常真实，并且从根本上已经坏透了，无法改变。
However, when things feel especially clear-cut, we may be goaded to try out an unusual thought experiment, which stands to challenge a great many of our certainties and render the world usefully more complicated: we can try to look at our fellow human beings through the eyes of love. The experiment requires particular stamina and is best attempted at quieter, less agitated times of day. When we manage it, it may count as one of our highest ethical achievements.
然而，当事情变得黑白分明时，可能会刺激我们去尝试一个不同寻常的思维实验，这个实验将挑战我们的许多固定的观念，让世界变得更加复杂而有趣。那就是试着用充满爱意的眼光去看待身边的人。这种尝试需要极大的耐心和毅力，最好在心情平静、不那么激动的时刻进行。如果能够做到这一点，那将是我们在道德修养上所能达到的最高境界之一。
We are normally resolutely on our side, deeply invested in our own point of view, and prone to trade in settled and moralising certainties. Yet, very occasionally, we have the strength to look at other people through a different lens: we notice that their reality is likely to be far more complicated and nuanced than we first expected, and that, contrary to our impulses, they may be deserving of more sympathy and consideration than we thought, even though they have hurt and frustrated us and their behaviour runs contrary to what we expect. Even though the temptation is to call them idiots and numbskulls and move on, looking at another person through the eyes of love involves some of the following:
我们往往固执地站在自己的立场上，完全沉浸在自己的想法里，习惯于用一种绝对且带有说教意味的方式来判断事物。然而，偶尔，我们也会有勇气换一种眼光去看待他人：我们会意识到他们的实际情况远比我们最初想象的要更加复杂和微妙，即使他们曾让我们受伤难过，他们可能比我们想象的更值得我们的同情和关心，即使他们的行为与我们的期望背道而驰，即使人们更倾向于满不在乎地称他们为白痴和笨蛋，然后不再理会。但通过爱的眼睛去看待其他人，却意味着要做到以下几点：
**Imagination**: Moralistic-thinking identifies people closely with their worst moments. Love-thinking pushes us in another direction. It bids us to use our imaginations to picture why someone might have done a regrettable deed and yet could remain a fitting target for a degree of understanding and sympathy. Perhaps they got very frightened; maybe they were under pressure of extreme anxiety and despair.
发挥想象力：道德化的思维总是把一个人定义为他最糟糕的瞬间。但爱的思维方式却截然不同。爱的思维鼓励我们发挥想象力，去思考一个人为什么会做出令人遗憾的事情，同时一定程度上依然值得我们给予理解和同情。比如，他们可能当时被恐惧支配，或者正承受着极度的焦虑和绝望。
Those who look with love guess that there will be sorrow and regret beneath the furious rantings or a sense of intolerable vulnerability behind the pomposity and snobbishness. They intimate that early trauma and let-down must have formed the backdrop to later transgressions. They will remember that the person before them was once a baby too. The loving interpreter holds on to the idea that sweetness must remain beneath the surface—along with the possibility of remorse and growth. They are committed to mitigating circumstances to any bits of the truth that could cast a less catastrophic light on folly and 'nastiness.'
那些带着爱去看的人猜测在愤怒的咆哮之下可能会有悲伤和遗憾，在浮夸和势利背后隐藏着难以忍受的脆弱感。他们深知，早期的创伤和失望必然会影响一个人后来的犯罪行为。他们会记得，如今在他们面前令人头疼的人，曾经也是一个天真无邪的婴儿。这些爱的传递者坚信，温柔一定隐藏在外表之下，同时伴随着悔恨和成长的可能性。他们总是努力寻找那些能够为别人的愚蠢和“坏行为”提供更温和解释的细节，试图为这些行为找到更合理的背景，而不是一味地指责。
**The child within**: To consider others with love means forever remembering the child within them. Our wrongdoer may be fully grown, but their actions will always be connected up with their early years. We overlook the need occasionally to ignore the outward adult sides of others in order to perceive and sympathise with the angry, confused infant lurking inside.
不忘记内心深处的孩子：用爱去看待他人，意味着永远记住他人内心住着一个小孩。一个人即使已经长大成人，他的行为仍然会受到童年经历的影响。我们常常忘记了，我们偶尔需要暂时抛开他们作为成年人的外在表现，去感知并同情他们内心深处那个愤怒、困惑的小孩。
When we are around small children who frustrate us, we don't declare them evil. We don't bear down on them to show them how misguided they are. We find less alarming ways of grasping how they have come to say or do certain things. We probably think that they are getting a bit tired, or their gums are sore, or they are upset by the arrival of a younger sibling. We've got a large repertoire of alternative explanations ready in our heads.
当我们面对那些让我们感到不耐烦的小孩子时，不会轻易地把他们定义为“坏孩子”。我们不会用强硬的方式去指责他们，试图让他们意识到自己的错误。相反，我们会用更温和、更不那么令人焦虑的方式去理解他们为什么会这样说或这样做。比如，我们可能会想，他们是不是累了，牙龈是不是疼痛，或者是不是因为弟弟妹妹的到来而感到不安。我们脑子里已经为他们准备了一大堆可供选择的解释，而不是简单地指责他们。
This is the reverse of what tends to happen around adults, where we imagine that others have deliberately got us in their sights. But if we employed the infant model of interpretation, our first assumption would be quite different. Given how immature every adult necessarily remains, some of the moves we execute with relative ease around children must forever continue to be relevant when we're dealing with another grown-up.
这与我们在成年人之间常见的反应完全相反，因为我们往往想象别人是故意和我们作对的。但如果用对待婴儿的模式来理解他人，我们的第一反应就会大不相同。鉴于每个成年人在某种程度上都还保留着幼稚的一面，当我们与另一个成年人打交道时，那些我们在与孩子相处时很容易做到的事情，其实也应该延续到与成年人的交往中。
**Patience**: Moralistic thinkers reach their certainties swiftly, whereas love-thinkers take their time. They remain serene in the face of obviously unimpressive behaviour: a sudden loss of temper, a wild accusation, a very mean remark. They reach instinctively for reasonable explanations and have clearly in their minds the better moments of a currently frantic but essentially loveable person.
极大的耐心：用道德思考的人急于下定论，而充满爱的思考方式则会慢慢来。面对那些令人失望的行为，比如突然发火、无端指责或者说出刻薄的话，他们依然能保持镇定。他们不会急于评判，而是本能地去寻找合理的解释，并且始终记得，眼前这个此刻正手足无措的人，本质上仍然是曾经有过美好一面的可爱之人。
**Redeeming features**: Love-thinkers interpret everyone as having strengths alongside their obvious weaknesses. When they encounter these weaknesses, they do not conclude that this is all there is. They know that almost everything on the negative side of a ledger could be connected up with something on the positive. They search a little more assiduously than is normal for the strength to which a maddening characteristic must be twinned. We can see easily enough that someone is pedantic and uncompromising; we tend to forget, at moments of crisis, their thoroughness and honesty.
看到他人互补性特质：用爱思考的人看待他人，总是既看到明显的缺点，也看到隐藏的优点。面对缺点时，他们不会就此否定一个人的全部价值。他们明白，每个负面特质背后往往都有积极的一面与之相对应。因此，他们比一般人更努力地去挖掘那些令人烦恼的特质背后的闪光点。比如，我们很轻易看到一些人的迂腐与顽固；在危急时刻我们很容易忘记他人的认真负责和诚实可靠。
We may know so much about a person's messiness that we forget their uncommon degree of creative enthusiasm. There is no such thing as a person with only strengths, but nor is there someone with only weaknesses. The consolation comes in refusing to view defects in isolation. Love is built out of a constantly renewed and gently resigned awareness that weakness-free people do not exist.
我们往往过于关注一个人的混乱和不足，而忽略了他们身上独特的创造力和热情。事实上，没有人是完美无缺的，但也没有人只有缺点。真正的安慰来自于安慰来自于拒绝孤立地看待缺点。爱的本质在于一种不断更新的温和而清醒的认知：在这个世界上，根本不存在没有弱点的人。
**We are sinners too**: The single greatest spur towards a loving perspective on others is a live awareness that we are also deeply imperfect and at points quite plainly mad. The enemy of generosity is the sense that we might be beyond fault, whereas love begins when we can acknowledge that we are, in equal measures, idiotic, mentally wobbly and flawed. It's an implicit faith in their own perfection that turns some people into such harsh judges.
我们也是罪人：让我们能够以爱去看待他人的最重要的原因，是我们清楚地认识到自己同样有诸多不完美，甚至在某些时刻也显得荒谬可笑。当我们觉得自己毫无瑕疵时，就很难对他人宽容以待；而当我们承认自己也一样愚蠢、脆弱且有缺陷时，爱才真正开始。有些人之所以对他人犹如苛刻的法官，往往是因为他们潜意识里坚信自己是完美的。
Looking at the world through the eyes of love, we are forced to conclude that there is no such thing as a simply bad person and no such thing as a monster. There is only ever pain, anxiety and suffering that have coalesced into unfortunate action. In this notion, we are not just being kind; this isn't merely an exercise in being nice. It's an exercise in getting to the truth of things, which may, when we get down to the details of human psychology, be roughly and almost coincidentally the same thing.